


Forever Younger Growing Older

by Natileroxs



Series: Golden Days [1]
Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Gen, M/M, Podfic Welcome, Post-Split, implied Frerard, implied peterick - Freeform, lots and lots of angst, sad af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 06:11:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19739881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Natileroxs/pseuds/Natileroxs
Summary: "I did write it about Ryan. As a sort of tribute, I guess. A tribute to his memory.”Ryan doesn't leave. Well, not by his own free will.(The beginning of an AU I've created)





	Forever Younger Growing Older

**Author's Note:**

> This one's a bit all over the place, but it's this is just laying down the groundwork for the big fic coming next.
> 
> Beta'd by Blake18
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blake18

“So, you did write it about Ryan Ross?” 

Brendon pauses when she says that. The interviewer notices her mistake as well, quickly backing up. “Well… how about we give it a lis-”

“It is. I did write it about Ryan. As a sort of tribute, I guess. A tribute to his memory.” 

She listens attentively, holding on to every word.

“I mean, those were the golden days, and those are the memories are the ones I want to remember him by. Wherever he is, I hope he’s drinking and staying young and having fun. And I’ll never let his memory fade, never let the world forget about him.” Brendon finishes softly, wiping at his eyes. 

She nods as if she understands. 

  
“It must be really hard to talk about.”

“Maybe… It’s not the only song I’ve written for him, but it is the first one I’ve admitted is about him.” He hums. “He’s gone, so I guess he can never give me permission, but him and I, we were. We were together, we were in love. I can admit that now.” 

The interviewer barely holds back a gasp. He chuckles a little. 

“We were gonna say something, you know. We were gonna tell everyone, tell everyone about us. But…” He drifts off and she waits for a few minutes before she addresses the crew. 

“Okay, so, how about we listen to this new song, yes?”

He gives her a nod and the tune begins to play. 

_“I found a pile of Polaroids,_

_In the crates of a record shop,_

_They were sexy, sexy looking back,_

_From a night that time forgot.”_

By the time it hits the chorus, Brendon is singing along softly, barely holding back tears. 

_“And I swear I’ll always paint you,_

_Golden Days.”_

He knows Spencer is listening along in his own home, with his radio turned up as loud as it can, thinking about the possibilities. The ‘what ifs’. It’s a harsh reality, Brendon supposes. That neither of them can push these thoughts out of their heads. 

What if Ryan had stayed. What if they hadn’t lost someone that meant so much to them. Would they be married by now? Would the band be stronger than ever? Would Spencer still be on stage alongside him? 

Would he be as alone as he feels right now? 

* * *

_“What’s wrong?” Pete asks, knowing the group all too well. “Why did you cancel the tour?”_

_“It’s - It’s Ryan. He’s gone.”_

_Pete tries not to drop the phone._

_“What? Wait, fuck, you don’t mean…?” His heart rate speeds up._

_The soft cries on the other end make him freeze in place._

_“No, no, no, no, he can’t be…”_

* * *

_“What’s going on?” Patrick bites his lip, looking at the worn-out, bloodshot eyes of the four men in front of him. “Pete?”_

_Spencer speaks up instead, even as Brendon tells him not to, pleading not to._

_“Ryan’s gone, Pat.”_

_Patrick knows what he means. He knows what he means not because of his words, but because of the looks of grief crossing all of their faces._

_He can’t stop himself from crying._

* * *

_Brendon can hear screams from down the hall of the hotel. Mikey’s screams. Brendon stands and walks down the hall, listening as Ray whispers for Mikey to just let it out. From the room adjacent, he can hear Gerard quietly sobbing as he assumes Frank holds him in his arms._

_He hates this. He hates it all. If Ryan were here…_

_If Ryan were here it wouldn’t matter that he could comfort them, because they wouldn’t need comforting._

* * *

They cluster, some with fingers in their pockets, others awkwardly rocking back and forth with their arms crossed. They all know they’re not really welcome, but they also know that Ryan would have killed someone if they weren’t there. 

“We don’t belong here, you know that, Brendon.” 

He nods. “But Ryan would want us here, wouldn’t he.” 

Gerard sighs, fixing his crooked tie. It’s not raining, but they can all agree that it’s more fitting that the sun is shining bright in the sky, not a cloud in sight. Ryan would want that too. He’d always loved the sun, having the warmth caress him from a safe, secure, distance. 

Brendon hates himself. He hates that it might just be his fault. If he’d gone with Ryan, if he’d followed him back to the bus, not left him alone, then maybe Ryan would be standing here with them right now. Or maybe they’d be all getting a drink and laughing about the joys of life. 

Instead, they stand in a graveyard, a while away from Ryan’s family, outcasts at their best friends funeral. 

It’s a simple ceremony, nothing too over the top. Flowers are left above his empty coffin, dirt is smoothed over that, and then all there is left of their friend is a headstone and the memory he’s left behind. The rest of Ryan’s family leave quite quickly, and after that, Patrick and Pete kneel and leave flowers behind. Joe and Andy follow them away. 

Mikey whispers something they can’t hear, and then he leaves a bouquet of moon lilies. Gerard puts his arm around his little brother’s shoulder and they too, leave, Frank and Ray only lingering a few seconds more to place more lilies beside the headstone. 

Brendon, Spencer, and Jon, are the last ones left. Their eyes are dry, they can’t cry anymore. 

It’s silent for a moment before Jon speaks. “I’m leaving.”  
  


“What?” Spencer immediately responds with.

“I’m leaving the band. I can’t do this. I’m sorry.” Jon shakes his head, and then bows it to the grave before he walks away. Spencer’s protests are muted in Brendon’s ears as he gets on his knees, dry grass scratching his legs through his thin trousers. He places a single sunflower beside all the moon lilies, and Spencer places a hand on his shoulder. 

_“When the moon fell in love with the sun,_

_All was golden in the sky,_

_All was golden when the day met the night.”_

[Blake18](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blake18)

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it. Please, leave a comment of what you thought and what your theories are for what is coming next.
> 
> I have a discord server that's dying, feel free to join and revive it. Bandom, Homestuck, Buzzfeed Unsolved, and so on.
> 
> https://discord.gg/wF8yCqG


End file.
